Back-handed compliments

“You’ve done a lot better than I thought you would!” a friend had told him about his job performance recently. “I guess they didn’t expect much out of me.”

“Oh I get that too,” I replied. “Someone told me the other day that they met me in person and were pleased to learn that I wasn’t really THAT bad.”

I cannot really complain. I’ve had battles with foot-in-mouth disease for much of my life. I was trying to make conversation with a very pregnant woman before Sunday school when we lived in Sylvania. “Did you get that big before having your other children,” I blurted out. Several women in the class spit their coffee through their noses while I tried to remove my loafer from my mouth.

Here are some other conversation starters and back-handed compliments that will make you the best conversationalist in your circles.

• “Your haircut makes your nose look smaller.”

In other words, your nose is a really big honker.

• “That’s a beautiful photo of you. I didn’t recognize you at first.”

And you’re really not beautiful.

• “You’re not as dumb as you look.”

And you look pretty dumb.

• “I love how you just don’t care what anyone thinks of you.”

You’re a real slouch!

• “I don’t care what others say about you. You’re alright in my book.”

Everybody hates you, but not me!

• “Your Instagram makes you seem so fun!”

The keyword being “seem”.

• “I didn’t expect you to get the job - Congratulations!”

Wow, the company must have been desperate.

• “You’re so charming when you make an effort.”

But when you’re just yourself, you’re a real bore.

• “Those earrings are so nice. My grandma would love them.”

You are so fashionable — if it was 1967.

• “Your house feels so cozy and lived in.”

Nice shack you got here. I hope it’s paid for.

• “You’re pretty… on the inside.”

The outside? Not so much.

• “You might not be the prettiest, but you’re definitely the funniest!”

What you lack in appearance (and you lack a lot), you make up for in wit.

We laugh at these conversational missteps because most of us have probably made one, or else (heaven forbid) one has been made to us. But I imagine it’s only going to get worse.

With the advent of social media, social skills seem to be declining, especially among young people. We’ve all watched a group of teenagers, or adults for that matter, seated around a table at a restaurant where each one is looking at their phone instead of making conversation.

Social media has made us the most anti-social generation ever. Do people even have parties anymore? But there have been a series of articles in major media publications recently that have wondered if pickleball, of all things, might help reverse the trend toward isolation.

“Can pickleball save America?” New Yorker magazine asked in July 2022.

“Can pickleball save democracy” the Chicago Triune wondered last September.

“Pickleball raises our social capital,” the Washington Post announced last August. “That’s what America needs.”

Indeed our church has a thriving pickleball group, and we enjoyed the fellowship and fun. And then my wife pulled a disc playing pickleball and wound up needing back surgery. OK, maybe shuffleboard will save us, I thought.

But on Sunday night a friend and I went to the new Mary Persons tennis/pickleball courts to play tennis, which is clearly superior to pickle ball. But I saw something that encouraged me. There were dozens of young people, kids from Mary Persons and Monroe County, boys and girls, taking turns playing pickle ball. Some of them even — seriously, listen to this — some of them even put the phones down to talk to their friends. Yes, it happens! Young people relating to one another in way that doesn’t involve Apple or Verizon! You love to see it.

As we were leaving, one of the kids told me that I was a pretty decent tennis player —- for my age. Hey kid, I replied, get back on your phone and shut up. LOL.

Will Davis is the publisher of The Monroe County Reporter. Email him at publisher@mymcr.net.